Do you and your partner have different ideas about parenting?

Discussion in 'Health and Relationships' started by tasha, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. tasha

    tasha EdChat™ Esquire

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    Couples have different ideas on how they are going to parent a child. One feels the need to show responsibility and consequence and the other believes that rules are meant to be broken. Do you have different parenting ideas and how do you work around it?
     
  2. cranberry87

    cranberry87 EdChat™ Nomad

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    My husband and I often struggle with this. Neither of us think that rules should be broken but I kind of get frustrated when he might disagree with a time out in front of the girls. I think that by doing this, he confuses the girls. I am sure they begin to wonder if they have even done anything that will cause time out time. I don't interrupt him when he is explaining something to them or has decided for time out. We find ourselves in this type of situation on a weekly basis!
     
  3. camella wallace
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    camella wallace EdChat™ Esquire

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    My hubby and i experience this sort of thing from time to time especially when it comes to the time that the kids are suppose to be home from school...there are times when i'll be reprimanding my son for coming home late from school and in the midst of me conversing he'll say ,"hon boys will be boys", this is something that gets me very irate ...at times i'll have to bite hard on my tongue to refrain from cussing him out in front of the kids.
     
  4. Mpho Ashworth
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    Mpho Ashworth EdChat™ Esquire

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    Luckily for me, my husband and I have the same standards and values. We don't have children yet, but we both agree on the same practices we'll adopt when they finally come along. I believe we'll try to be firm but not too rigid, although he's confessed if we have a little girl she may have him wrapped around her little finger. My husband believes he'll be a strict parent but I reckon he'll be the softie! I suppose you don't really know till you're there.
     
  5. tasha

    tasha EdChat™ Esquire

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    I find that this is wrong as it shows the children that they can get away with something because mom and dad are not united and it shows weakness that they will use against one of you. Parents should voice their disagreements away from the kids.
    --- Double Post Merged, Dec 10, 2014 ---
    Hahaha yes! I know what you mean! It is wrong to have a say infront of the kids because it is guaranteed that they will do it again and repeat dads words when you ask them why they are late. A united front should be what parents use and it is often never the case, there is always one against the other on opinions of raising kids.
    --- Double Post Merged, Dec 10, 2014 ---
    Yes things change completely when you have kids and especially when there is a little girl, because she will have dad wrapped around he finger if you do not show a united front. Everyone starts out with the saeme principles and then things suddenly change, which can drive you mad and make couples argue unnecessarily.
     
  6. missbee23

    missbee23 EdChat™ Nomad

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    One of my frustrations is that my husband can be too harsh, and that the punishment does not fit the crime. I am able to determine when a child is just being a child and needs to be educated on proper behavior, and when they are being deliberately defiant. My husband does not make the distinction, and therefore, even honest mistakes get punished. I do not think that is fair. I think kids should be allowed to learn from their mistakes and their consequences. I feel very strongly that when you confuse them with a punishment, they only recall the punishment, not the lesson learned. For example, I remember getting spanked as a kid. My dad would spank us with a belt, and my mom would spank us with whatever was nearby. Not that I am against spanking itself, but ask me if I remember what I got spanked for? No. I don't remember what the lesson was. I just remember the pain and stress of getting spanked. Was the spanking successful though? Did the undesirable behavior stop? I guess so. It must have, but now as an adult looking back, I remember the times when I hurt someone with my carelessness more than I remember the lessons from my spankings.
     
  7. Mpho Ashworth
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    Mpho Ashworth EdChat™ Esquire

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    Yes things change completely when you have kids and especially when there is a little girl, because she will have dad wrapped around he finger if you do not show a united front. Everyone starts out with the saeme principles and then things suddenly change, which can drive you mad and make couples argue unnecessarily.[/QUOTE]

    I know what you mean, and I don't by any means think it'll be a walk in the park. I think it counts for something that we do have the same values and mostly agree on how we'll go about raising our kids. I'm well aware it may change when we do actually have kids, but I pray to God that whatever differences we have, we can work through without it causing any serious problems :)
     
  8. djordjem87

    djordjem87 EdChat™ Nomad

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    I still don't have a kid but my sister does and we share the house so i am involved enough to see some things. I mostly disagree with her and i think she is doing it wrong. It is easy to see i am right when you see ma nephew. He is 3 years old mama's boy who can get anything by saying his stomach hurts. He is a brat. To put it simple. And he is developing an Edip Syndrome because she gets all crazy around him like they haven't seen each other for years. I understand love but too much is too much. She would take him in her arms and say things like you are so beautiful, you are a beautiful mama's boy, mama's only son...And then she would start kissing him all over his face. And that is happening when we are all there. I would never behave like that if i had a child. It is not normal for me.
     
  9. missbookworm

    missbookworm EdChat™ M.Ed

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    I am not yet married nor have any children, but when it comes to raising kids, I think both father, and mother should take responsibility, and they should talk about what approaches they are going to use in order for their children to grow healthy, and happy. I believe parents should not be too strict, and also, not too lenient. There should be a right balance between them.
     
  10. atanas12

    atanas12 EdChat™ Nomad

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    We differ in our ideas of parenting but this is because my partner is Bulgarian and I am English. Aside from the fact we have cultural differences we do try to talk and always agree or compromise otherwise we would never discipline our son. It's a matter of communication.
     
  11. c.shielaann

    c.shielaann EdChat™ Esquire

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    Definitely yes. My Husband ways is more of a old school way. He is the very protective type but he can always adjust if we talked about it. With me my parenting way is different. I want my kids to trust me, i want to be a parent and their bestfriend at the same time. No matter how differently each parents approached their kids we all have one goal. For our kids to be better than us and for them to have the best.
     
  12. Chickfillay

    Chickfillay EdChat™ Nomad

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    My partner and I came from a different culture. He's Latino and I'm Filipino so we don't agree on some aspects in life yet we compromise to talk it out and settle the argument for every problem. When it comes to parenting, he suggest that we need to let loose and not be strict about our kids since it might damage them emotionally. Yet my point is if we are not strict about it, they will become liberated and live their life with bad decisions and might even get in trouble for their wrong doings. In the end we tried to balance it and we managed to raise 4 lovely children that's been respectful, obedient and loving kids.
     

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